How Do You Rate as a Parent?

Do you ever wonder – how am I doing as a parent? Could I be doing xyz, should I be abc?

I follow a dynamic couple who does a lot of work around marriage, communication being your best self in your marriage, etc. Well part of marriage for many is raising kids. Do you have conflicts or as they like to say “kerfuffels” with your spouse that revolve around raising kids? I’m not sure if any of us who are married or even divorced with kids could say no – there is bound to be disagreements no matter the family. However, in the end how are you doing as a parent? What kind of environment are you creating?

I love the Martino’s perspective. As I drove home and listened to a module of a training they did using Relationship Development in parenting I heard that it really came down to these 5 key things. And their point is if you can say for you personally (not as a couple mind you but as one parent) if you can say yes to these 5 things you are on the right track. And keep in mind this isn’t for that two year old. This is for the kid going into middle school age 10, 11 can have some brain power behind them to make choices and understand consequences, etc. Too old to put under your arm and carry them home during a tantrum kind of age.

1. Did I teach them how to navigate life? - this point was do you allow life to teach your kids lessons or are you just controlling them and pushing their buttons and living their live for them. I have to say on this one – bit of both. I have a tendency in different situations to be controlling and in others to let life take it’s course – informing them along the way of course.

2. Was I there to answer their questions? Am I a just because I said so parent or do I assume what they are struggling with and provide answers to questions they may not even have yet? That is what they mean here.

3. Did I provide safety such as a place to live, food clothes, etc.?

4. Did I lead by example? Ouch – our kids watch far more than we think and one of my kids has insane hearing and picks up on things I had no idea she could hear until she started telling me. Most of the time I think she is catching good things but sometimes even I slip up and say something around her I shouldn’t or discuss adult subject matter around my younger kids but as a whole I think I would score an 8 out of 10 on that one. How about you?

5. Did I give them unconditional love and support? The key here is unconditional. Did I love my kids even when I didn’t like their choices, etc. We are always trying to teach our kids that their behavior does not determine love. We may discipline, we may be upset but at the core we love WHO they are.

I heard this list and was encouraged because on a whole I can say YES to all 5 of these. Maybe not every day but as a whole absolutely. And when I don’t I know I’m not too far away from nailing them.

#parenting #marriage #beingyourbest